aku mencintaimu, tetapi …

Kusir pedati membawa matahari senja itu ke peraduan malam.

Suara ladam kudanya merapal mantra, mengetuk-ngetuk kening bumi dengan mesra.

Hanya tiga kata yang disisakannya untuk kuterjemahkan

“ Aku mencintaimu tapi ….. “

to my ego

Dear my own altar ego … how are you doing?

To be honest dear, it is so strange that I am missing you. You always put me in so-difficult coordinate of place and time. Destroy all the norms I have been putting my faith into. Crash my whole thought and life values I lean on. I think I must hate you rather than giving you any attention.

Maybe because you are immanently me, I can not ignore you in such ways. Loving you is a must, isn’t it?

Once in times, dear me, can you tell me about who I really am? Is that you or another side of me, take control on me ?

beyond imagination

‘Nduk, couple times before, we knew from newspapers and televisions about a prestigious and sparkling wedding party of an Indonesia’s millionaire. A newspaper told us about the party with some bombastic words ala press. “… in the middle of poverty and multi-dimensional crisis of Indonesia, a prestigious and sparkling wedding party held. The fascination is not only about the place and the food, but also the visitors and an exhibition of the rare diamonds all over the world …”

I have no idea how each of us seeing this reality. Maybe someone feels like reading a fairy tale about Cinderella and her glass-shoes or even like a drop-out little girl who sticked in front of Hermes boutique and have no desire about what she sees in front of her. It is not because she is lacked of desire, but it is mostly -maybe- because the reality is beyond her imagination.

No ‘nduk, I am not cynical to the rich and wealth. No. For me, rich and poverty is a must in life and both has no difference at all for human being (ideally), ’cause human being will leave both rich and poverty. It is about how to deal with them both. One who are not able to deal with poverty will not be able to deal with rich either. And it is the contrary.

I feel it is mostly about “where and how” our own position in the middle of these two contrary things.

Could you be so kind to tell me the coordinate, axis and absis, of “where and when” ? Or is it beyond imagination also, for I am just the little boy who can’t sleep so I can dream nothing too ?